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Thursday, 8 November 2007
White vs. Black: Episode 5: Black has no shovels, they use spoons.
(Camera pans down to reveal Ramsey looking through a sniper rifle on top of the white base)
Ramsey: Hey Kentucky! I’ve got a question to ask you! Kentucky: What? I’m trying to watch NASCAR! Ramsey: Why does the black team have a swimming pool, and we don’t? Kentucky: Ramsey, its -30 outside, why would we need a pool? One of their guys probably went psycho and killed some people and now they’re burying the bodies. Ramsey: Then why are they digging 2? Kentucky: Maybe Connecticut got into a fire-fight with ‘em and now they’re burying his body too. Connecticut: (from somewhere in base) nope I’m still kickin”! Kentucky: Shit. I don’t know then. Ramsey: Do you know a guy that has black armor? Kentucky: No. Ramsey: Do you know a green guy? Kentucky; No! Ramsey: How about an alien guy? Kentucky: I thought you said there were only 2? Ramsey: Yeah, but there’s an alien dude dead with a rocket launcher layin’ dead in the ditch. Kentucky: Are you kidding? Ramsey: No. Kentucky: You idiot! Why didn’t you tell me that before? Ramsey: Because you didn’t ask. (Kentucky appears behind him) Kentucky: Moron. (Beats him down) Kentucky: I wonder if Lizard’s awake. (Black base) Hill: Cookie, now that Ohio’s dead I'm in charge. Cookie: Who said? Hill: Well seeing as though you’re a private, I out rank you. Cookie: Bullshit. I’m a Command Sergeant. Hill: I’m a corporal. Cookie: That’s below me dude. I’ve spent 16 years in this army, what about you? Anyway you’re not a corporal you are “Private James B. Hill”, moron. You can’t be promoted in a matter of 12 hours. Hill: I got here 3 months ago. Cookie: Yeah, but you called command last night saying “This is Private James B. Hill calling containment outpost alpha, saying that we need more butter. Hill: I like butter. Cookie: On milkshakes? Hill: Yeah, I like to call it “Butter a la Crepe”. Cookie: Or butter al a crap. Hill: Whatever man, you just don’t know good taste. Cookie: At least I have the decency to not ask if there is a pimple on my ass in public. Hill: It’s not my fault, this armor’s so itchy. Cookie: Just go get some big rocks… These dicks need tombstones. (White base) Kentucky: Okay Lizard, we’re gonna go down there and get that rocket launcher. While I do that, you throw some grenades at em’. Got it? Lizard: Yeah… I think. Kentucky: Good (gets in tank) and if anything happens to me I want cremated and spread over the ocean got it? Lizard: Sure. Fucking loser… (End)
Posted by whitevsblack
at 10:03 AM EST
Updated: Wednesday, 28 November 2007 9:00 AM EST
Thursday, 20 September 2007
White vs. Black 4
White vs. Black
Episode 4: Ohio gets pwned
Cookie: He’s shaped weird. He doesn’t look human.
Ohio: He’s not, he’s a covenant! Son of a-
(Rocket explodes behind them)
Cookie: We’re under attack!!!
Ohio: What are you standing there for? Return fire!
(Starts shooting)
(Creature falls)
(Stops firing)
(One more shot is heard)
Ohio: (turning around) Stop wasting ammo! We need it for-
(Gets shot in the face, landing on Cookie who is unconscious)
Soldier in Black: Ah Ohio. I knew I would find you getting into another mess you couldn’t get out of. I knew I should have finished you off at Battle Creek
(Dude, yeah a flashback, I know shut up)
(Shows Ohio and the soldier fighting on opposite sides of Battle Creek. Yeah the soldiers from Battle Creek in RvB)
Ohio: We were drones of war. We were in no shape for rebellion at that time. You remember the mind control devices?
Black Armor: I do, but that is where you ruined and saved my life. You shot off my device. In return I shot yours off so you could be free. Yet you still fired at me. You shot my right arm with a .50 caliber rifle. It costed me thousands of dollars for a robotic one. With that one action, I sought revenge.
(Cookie starts moving)
(Soldier in black aims gun at cookie)
Black armor: You’ll regret the day you messed with Washington.
Ohio: Washington, don’t hurt him. He has nothing to do with this.
Washington: Aw, I think ol’ Ohio got soft after all these years.
Ohio: (raising sniper rifle) Like I said he has nothing to do with this.
Washington: Fine, I’ll give him 10 seconds before I kill him…10
Ohio: Cookie! Get the hell out of here!
Cookie: (mumbling) Yes…sir…
(Cookie runs off)
Washington: Now, back to the matter at hand. I’m going to give you a shorter 5 seconds. Now go.
Ohio: You bastard!
Wahington: 5…
Ohio: How can you do this?
Washington: 4…
Ohio: I have a family!
Washington: 3, and I suggest you run.
Ohio: (Starts running) You wont get away with this!
Wasington: 2,1
(Washington throws a plasma grenade, sticking it to Ohio)
Ohio: You son of a bitch! If I’m going to hell, im taking you with me!
Washington: What?
(Ohio fires 3 shot, one killing Washington. Seconds later the grenade explodes)
(White base)
(Kentucky and George are looking up at the sky)
Kentucky: Hey private.(Looks down)
George: What?(looks down)
Kentucky: Did you hear that?
Gearge: Hear what?
Kentucky: It sounded like an explosion.
George: No, I didn’t hear anything.
Kentucky: Really?
George: No.
Kentucky: Oh…Well me neither.
George: What?
Kentucky: Nevermind…
Posted by whitevsblack
at 12:44 PM EDT
White vs. Black 3
Mood:
 caffeinated
White vs. Black
Episode 3: Better late than never
(Title screen)
(Black base, fading in on Ohio looking through a sniper rifle)
Ohio: Finally! Hey Cookie!
Cookie: Yeah?
Ohio: You know how we’ve been here for 2 months right?
Cookie: Yep.
Ohio: Well, White team just got their recruits.
Cookie: You’re kidding.
Ohio: Nope, take a look.
(Cookie raises his rifle)
Cookie: Hmm, It looks like they’re having some problems with their tank.
Ohio: Wait a minute! They have a tank?!
Cookie: Yup.
Ohio: Well that’s not good… Not good at all.
(Cut to white base)
Ramsey: Whoa… Is that tank ours?
Fox: I think so, but why did they send it? We called for reinforcements not a freakin’ tank!!
(3 soldiers emerge, one from in the tank and 2 from behind)
Fox: Looks like we got 2 mercenaries and 1 recruit.
Ramsey: Well, whattaya waitin’ for? Introduce yourself!
Fox: Uh… Ahem! My name is Sergeant Robert J. Fox. Now what are your names ladies?
Merc 1: Lieutenant William T. Weiner. My issued codename is Connecticut, sir.
Merc 2: Lieutenant Brad Parmer. My codename is Kentucky.
Recruit: Private Mark George. The tanks name is Tiny.
Ramsey: Tiny? That thing’s big enough to be Lizards mom!
Lizard: Shut up, moron.
(Black base)
Cookie: How many soldiers did they get?
Ohio: 3
Cookie: Are you sure?
Ohio: What do you mean “am I sure?” of course I'm sure!
Cookie: No, I meant that guy coming out of that trench over there. The one that’s walking toward us with that big gun.
Ohio: Aw, shit…
Posted by whitevsblack
at 12:43 PM EDT
White vs. Black 2
Mood:
caffeinated
White vs. Black
Episode 2: Blacks New Recruits
(Title Screen)
(Camera pans down to show Fox looking through a sniper rifle)
Fox: This really sucks.
Ramsey: Why’s that?
Fox: They got recruits and a new vehicle.
Ramsey: How many recruits?
Fox: Three. One is green, one is pink, and the last one is purple.
Ramsey: They have a girl?
Fox: Yeah, looks like it.
(Black base)
Cookie: Who’s the chick?
Wolf: I think that’s a guy.
Cookie: Then why is he wearing pink?
Wolf: (shrugging shoulders) I don’t know.
(Wolf approaches the rookies)
Wolf: We don’t want any girl scout cookies from you ladies, we already told command that.
Soldier in Pink: Dude, I'm not a girl.
Soldier in Green: Sure you are, Pinky.
Pink Armor: It’s lightish-red!!!
Green Armor: Pink!
Wolf: So ladies, what are your names?
Pink Armor: Lieutenant Franklin Delano Donut the 2nd. My codename is Maine sir
Green Armor: Lieutenant Trevor J. Graves, my codename is Ohio
Purple Armor: Private James B. Hill. Uh… I have no codename, sir.
Wolf: Let me introduce myself. My name is Dennis T. Wolf. My rank is Captain, that means I own you, understand?
Hill: (raising hand) ooh, ooh pick me, pick me.
Wolf: Yes, Private?
Hill: Are there any girls up here, sir?
Ohio: Yeah, there’s one right here. (pointing to Maine)
Maine: Hey!
Wolf: No, I’m afraid not. She left on Mardi Gras.
(showing short scene of Wolf and O’Donnell laughing, while looking down into the base)
O’Donnell: Ah, good times.
Wolf: Anyone else?
Maine: Yeah, on your T.V. do you get the home shopping network?
Wolf: No. All we have is Playboy0
Maine: Aw man! That sucks!!
(White base)
Fox: Looks like the girl is complaining already.
Ramsey: You’re kidding.
Fox: No, you know women, they complain about everything. My wife takes off her clothes and wants to have sex, but I just want to go to sleep. And she gets mad.
Ramsey: Yeah, my mom was like that…
Fox: Dude, that’s sick!
Ramsey: No! Not that, she complains a lot.
Fox: Sure she does…
Ramsey: Man, that’s gross. Stop.
Fox: Heh…
Posted by whitevsblack
at 12:42 PM EDT
White vs. Black: Episode 1
Mood:
caffeinated
White vs. Black: Episode 1
(Fades into title text)
(Camera zooms down to face Cookie who is standing on base with O’Donnell)
Cookie: Hey O’Donnell.
O’ Donnell: Yeah?
Cookie: Have you ever wondered what its like to be dead???
O’Donnell: No, but if you want me to help you answer that, (raises gun and points it at Cookie) I’d be glad to help…
Cookie: No, seriously, I mean we’re born and then a few years later we die.
O’Donnell: A few years ...yeah, more like 70
Cookie: No! You know what I mean, uh, hmm, oh, ok, like the stars for example. They live for millions of years, and we live for a measly 60.
O’Donnell: Well I do see what you mean but-
Cookie: Ok, take you for example. What’re you here for? You never fight, and your armor makes you look like a giant banana.
O’Donnell: You know what?
Cookie: What?
O’Donnell: Shut up.
(Cut to white base)
(Camera slowly pans down to Lizard, who is doing a “corpse hump” minus the corpse)
Fox: What the hell are you doing?
Lizard: Tae Bo, why?
(Lizard begins to melee)
Fox: Why are you doing Tae Bo?
Lizard: Because it helps keep me in shape.
Fox: Why do you need to… Wait, is this about that prank we played on you??
Lizard: (stops) Which one?
Fox: The one where we told you to run around the base 10,000 times or our commander would call you unfit?
Lizard: Oh, yeah, that one. (begins jumping)
Fox: Why would you even do that , as apposed to being called a name? I mean, are you like retarded or something?
(Lizard stops)
Lizard Look I wanted to make a good first impression okay?
Fox: I want you to know that first impressions don’t mean crap. When are you going to get that through your thick skull?
Lizard; Hey, I don’t know who shoved a tampon up your ass, but all I know is this military stuff ain’t child’s play.
Fox: Whatever.. and by the way they’re sending reinforcements who should arrive in a week or so. So be ready. It’s gonna be Me, You, Ramsey, and a whole bunch of dead black guys.
(black base)
Cookie: Why do you want me to shut up?
O’Donnell: Because you’re acting like a total jackass.
Cookie: It’s not my fault you’re mad because Wolf made you clean the toilet
O’Donnell: The only reason I did that is because there was diarrhea
from your mouth in it.
Cookie: Oh yeah, well you look like a giant banana
O’Donnell You are so immature…
Cookie: Well at least I’m not a banana, you moron
O’Donnell: You know what? I’m sick of your complaining about everything! I don’t care about death, I don’t care about your opinions, and I don’t care about your mother! God damn! That woman’s all you talk about.
Cookie: Hey man don’t knock her off until you meet her.
O'Donnell: Cookie!! Shut the fuck up!!!!
(O'Donnell leaves in a fit of rage)
Cookie: Wonder whats wrong with him???
Posted by whitevsblack
at 12:35 PM EDT
Updated: Thursday, 20 September 2007 12:47 PM EDT
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